


Prince(ss)

by Puniyo



Series: Chocolatier [10]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Banter, Comedy, Crack Fic, Freeform, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, OOC, Pure Nonsense, Reference to Disney, Sexual Tension, Sort of orgy?, crude language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 13:40:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17225081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puniyo/pseuds/Puniyo
Summary: When the top 6 skaters of the world have to organize their own skating show... in a hotel roomORThe time when Yuzuru insists in being Juliet, Javier wants a glass slipper, Shoma definitely learns more things in university than imagined, Patrick has to be a mother, Boyang and the mystery of red lips, and Nathan becomes a bread thief.





	Prince(ss)

**Author's Note:**

> Dear all, after the dark themes in Code, this piece just popped up, perhaps as a way to cope with the seriousness. This is pure crack, I don't know what went to my head but I just imagined how our top 6 skaters would re-enact iconic scenes from Disney (princess) movies. 
> 
> This work is not meant to offend anyone. There is a lot of banter and even insulting/savage remarks but this is just for the sake of the plot and comical effect. Don't take things seriously just like the characters here didn't. And let's just pretend all the boys speak good English for the sake of our sanity too. 
> 
> This is a work of FICTION. In no ways it reflects the people mentioned.

**Note one:** advertising is strictly forbidden in this brochure in order to protect the author’s ignorance. Please refer to less proficient websites for more information.

 **Note two:** innuendos of sexual nature are not advised. Please refrain from reading this brochure with such naughty gaze (can holes be used as synonym for eyes?).

Once upon a time…

 

 

… six figure skaters, gladiators of the ice arena, risking the duress of muscles of their legs and testing the brittleness of their bones with pinky-finger thin blades of steel forged in the depths of the smithing mines of *censored*, have gathered in the presidential suite of the *censored* hotel, because a large bed is more comfortable for their lower backs and provides better support for straining exercise (such as warrior positions with the need to thrust forward with braced hips) in order to defy their fates in the ultimate challenge – to organize a collaborative number for a children’s charity gala to raise awareness for uncontrollable bouts of tantrums.

Media speculation has been high and bets even harder, amazingly without much stimulation, over the nature of their performance and *the following has been censored due to the increasing purple nature of the prose and self-imposed word limit*.

 

**Take Zero – The Theme**

Javier: Brian just messaged me the theme.

Yuzuru: Javi! (jumps to his arms) I thought you were still in Spain.

Javier: You know I will catch the first flight of the day (after noon) to be with you (caresses Yuzuru’s cheek).

Patrick: Is this what you have to go through every day at the club?

Boyang: I don’t train at Cricket.

Patrick: Sorry, I don’t follow international news much.

Shoma: Toronto Cricket Club is in Canada.

Patrick (ignoring Shoma): Nathan! Good to see you here. Glad to know the caravan still hasn’t left.

Nathan: So Fernández, what is the theme?

Javier: Disney movies.

Shoma: There are more than one hundred to choose from.

Yuzuru: Let’s skate to Romeo and Juliet!

Patrick: That’s a Shakespeare play.

 

**Take One – Snow White**

Shoma: I think we should all be the dwarves.

Javier: If this is a height issue–

Yuzuru: We don’t have enough people.

Shoma: We could use your tissue box.

Yuzuru: Pooh-san?! (looking utterly shocked) No! Pooh-san will look too good as Snow White’s pet.

Javier: If this is a beauty problem–

Nathan: I want to be the prince.

Patrick: Why you?

Nathan: I’m the only one here with equestrian experience. I’ve been riding since high school.

Yuzuru: Only horses?

Nathan (winking at Yuzuru): Well–

Patrick: This is an ice show. Ice, not grass.

Boyang: Shoma should be Snow White.

Everyone except Shoma: Why?

Boyang points at Shoma who is already sleeping.

 

**Take Two – Pinocchio**

Everyone stares at Javier, nodding their heads.

Javier: What is that supposed to mean?!

Patrick: You like to interpret characters. Chaplin, a _matador_ , Don Quixote. It’s your forte.

Yuzuru: Javier lies a lot.

Javier (surprised): I don’t!

Yuzuru: Yes, you do. Do you remember that time when we were on the shower and I was just a little too loud and you told Brian that it was the ventilation that had broken?

Javier: That’s different.

Yuzuru: Or when you told Machiko-san that you couldn’t find the scarf for the opening in Kobe because I had it tied (he points to his groin) down _here_?

Javier: Oh, I’m a big liar.

Yuzuru: And when my mom was weeding the garden and you just pressed me–

Patrick: That’s enough.

Javier (ignoring Patrick): Do you want to punish me for behaving badly?

Yuzuru slides a hand under Javier’s completely black T-shirt, pinching a nipple.

Nathan and Boyang both look with the upmost attention, thinking of possible less exemplar behaviors to be chastised as well.

 

**Take Three – Bambi**

Shoma: Patrick should be the mother.

Patrick: I don’t want to. Why do I have to be killed from a shotgun?

Nathan: You’re the oldest one in the group. You’ll probably be the earliest one to retire too.

Patrick (visibly annoyed): Good to be young isn’t it? (He steps onto the bed) Fine, I’ll do it. But I tell you, (he unzips his pants) let’s re-enact the first scene where Bambi is born. A fawn is a mammal so it needs to be fed. (He opens his arms) Who will suck me off?

All five of them are playing rock-paper-scissors to be the hunter. Yuzuru wins but it is decided that all of them will be hunters of different ranks so they can all have a try at firing at Patrick.

 

**Take Four – Cinderella**

Yuzuru: I want to be Cinderella. I’ve never skated to it.

Patrick: Prokofiev or Patrick Doyle’s?

Yuzuru: I want a costume change, from when the fairy godmother gives her a new dress with magic.

Nathan: No, no, no. That’s too common. Let’s do Cinderella when she comes with her mother’s dress and the sisters’ see it.

Yuzuru: What’s the fun in it?

Nathan: _A lot_. You see, people love drama so I would have to rip apart your pants, (coughs) I mean, your dress and you would still have your change of costume? Interesting, isn’t it?

Boyang: I could be the other sister. I could hold him down and you (pointing at Nathan) take off the pants, (I mean), the lace and the ribbons.

They both high five, the clap resonating in the room.

Shoma: That’s too expensive for us. (He shows a number on his phone) The costs for two new costumes every day will not be covered by the sponsors.

Patrick: How about we do the dance scene?

Javier: No, the most iconic moment must be the glass slipper. (He kneels in front of Yuzuru and unties his sports shoes, removing the grey sock immediately after) Yuzuru has very sensitive feet, don’t you?

Yuzuru bites his lower lip and nods.

 

**Take Five – Sleeping Beauty**

Yuzuru: I want to be the owl.

Javier: Which owl? Have you watched the same movie as I did?

Yuzuru: The owl in the forest that pretends to be the prince. He is lifted by the other animals under the long red coat.

Javier: _Oh_ , I could lift you if you promise to wrap your legs around my hips and maybe move a little while we are at it.

Nathan: I could do that too! I would even have your back to the wall so it hurts less.

Boyang: Yuzuru can just lie down and I could lift his legs. It still counts as a lift, right?

Shoma: According to the laws of physics and quantum mechanics, one cannot lift an object that exceeds half of their own body mass.

Patrick suddenly grabs Yuzuru and lifts him in bridal style. A drop of sweat runs down his forehead.

Patrick: You all just talk… (takes a deep breath)… but no one does it.

Yuzuru (holding to Patrick’s neck): My savior.

 

**Take Six – The Jungle Book**

There was no possible consensus, unfortunately, as Yuzuru refused to betray his long-time partner, Winnie the Pooh, sacred yellow bear of the skating forests and protector of the vanilla boy with nymph’s waist and eyes capable of cursing people at a radius of 5km. If you present the following symptoms, it is advisable to find Seimei, the only exorcist capable of dispelling such spell:

• Uncontrollable desire to consume chocolate in great quantities.

• Curating a wardrobe with plain white sweaters of different lengths.

• Performing cross signs across one’s chest that are irrelevant to any faith.

• Chronic back pain due to continuous hours practicing the shamanic move called _layback ina bauer_ (for more information, please refer to Yuzuru Hanyu videos. Watch with caution).

• Swollen wrists from wearing excessive colored glass, crystal, titanium, platinum or plastic beads in different combinations and color schemes.

• Impulse to smell _anything_ resembling a gold medal. The bigger and thicker they are, the longer the inhalation.

 

**Take Seven – Little Mermaid**

Patrick: This is an ice show, not synchronized swimming.

They all grimace at the image of their legs extended out of the water while their bodies are submerged.

Shoma: No transformation costume too.

Yuzuru (somehow annoyed): How about you being Ursula, Shoma? No need for transformation as well.

Shoma: Childish. At least we can save money on seaweed costumes, can’t we Yuzuru?

Javier: I like this idea!

Shoma and Yuzuru together: Ursula or seaweed?

Javier: I could be Poseidon with a trident too. I would forbid you from playing with humans Yuzuru and you would cry to me that I was very selfish. You would have to beg me to let you come. And go to, of course.

Yuzuru: Oh father.

Javier: Call me _daddy_.

 

**Take Eight – Beauty and the Beast**

Nathan: No one would make a better Gaston than Patrick.

Boyang: I agree.

Shoma: No lies here.

Patrick: Thanks for the confidence and trust. I think I’m suitable for him too.

Nathan: Arrogant.

Shoma: Vain.

Boyang: Wise.

Javier: Pretentious.

Yuzuru: Big cock.

They all stare at Yuzuru who wonders if he had said something wrong.

Yuzuru: We could perform with roses. I’ve done shows in the past with many of these.

Shoma: Those were gerberas, not roses.

 

**Take Nine – Aladdin**

They all look at Nathan, nodding in unison again.

Nathan: Why me?

Javier: Your face looks exactly like Aladdin.

Nathan: Are you praising me or insulting me?

Yuzuru: You would definitely make a good bread thief!

Nathan (excited): Really? Would you like to be my Jasmine then? We could soar the skies together, ‘I can show you the world…’

Patrick: Are you two acrobats now?

Nathan: We could decorate a Zamboni.

Shoma: A Zamboni is not a F1 car.

Boyang comes back to the room with a paper bag full of sandwiches.

Boyang: Did anyone mention bread?

 

**Take Ten – The Lion King**

Yuzuru is already doing the initial iconic scene of Rafiki holding Simba to all the animals of the jungle.

Shoma: No more lifts too.

Yuzuru: Maybe a throw jump? Quintuple Salchow?

Patrick: Maybe you could be Mufasa and I could throw you to the valley to be stampeded. Isn’t it better than shooting a deer?

Yuzuru: You’re a genius Patrick!

Patrick (surprised at the praise): Am I?

Yuzuru: Yes. I could gracefully fall at the gorge so all of you could come to me. Run your fingers through my hair, fingers on my neck, on my chest, and then the thighs, open them wide please.

Yuzuru is lost in his thoughts as his own hands run through his clothed chest.

Shoma: A reminder that this show is rated PG.

Nathan: PG for Pleasurable Gratification. Can we start practicing?

 

**Take Eleven – Mulan**

They all look at Boyang, nodding in the most perfect harmonious rhythm.

Boyang: That’s unfair and stereotyping.

Nathan: At least they got the nationality correct.

Yuzuru: I could put makeup on you _Tian Tian_. The white powder on your cheeks and the blood grapefruit red lips. I would make them full and ripe, sweet when bitten but still sour when you lick.

Nathan: I have a Chinese surname too.

 

**Take Twelve – Frozen**

Javier: The setting is an iced kingdom.

Boyang: Sibling rivalry instead of a major romantic storyline.

Patrick: It appeals to all ages.

Shoma: A costume change with no need to rip something apart.

Yuzuru: Cute mascot that is not a bear.

Nathan: Shall we do this one?

All their phones suddenly ring, each with their own chosen music. Javier is the first one to check it.

Javier: Did you receive the same message I did?

Patrick: Our performance is–

Nathan: Cancelled.

Shoma: Not cancelled. The girls got their entries about Disney already so they’ve–

Boyang: Changed our theme.

Yuzuru presses his lips together, suppressing a smirk.

Yuzuru: I told you we should do Romeo and Juliet.


End file.
